


Why did it have to be Me?

by GiaUrsula



Series: Songs and Pairings [1]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: ABBA Song, Actor Neil, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best friend Neil, Drama/Theatre School, Insecurities, Intense, M/M, Musical Number, Neil Perry was never suicidal, Pianist Knox, Possible sequel, Sad, Singer Todd, The Wellton Institute of Drama and Performing Arts, Theatre actor Charlie, Unresolved Romantic Tension, auditions, emotional issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 08:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17301563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GiaUrsula/pseuds/GiaUrsula
Summary: Emotions and tensions boil over between Todd and Charlie when they perform a duet song with lyrics that hit a little too close to home for the boys.





	Why did it have to be Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. This is the most random idea/story I have ever written but I listened to this song in the new Mamma Mia movie and I thought it had so much more potential as a dramatic song rather than the cheerful one shown on screen plus I've recently come into this fandom and pairing so I wrote this in like an hour or two and here it is!
> 
> To get fully into it, I would advise playing the song along as the two sing it (I would say mamma mia version is better since that's the version I had in my head when I wrote it but your choice).
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this weird story!

‘’Are you okay duetting with Charlie? Because I can totally switch if you like.’’ Neil offered and Todd shrugged.

‘’I’m fine Neil. Besides, it’s a little late to change they’re about to-’’

‘’Charles Dalton and Todd Anderson up to the stage!’' Mr Keating cheerfully announced.

Neil shot him a reassuring smile and Todd climbed up onto stage. Charlie was stood there, leaning against the piano, the epitome of effortlessly cool.

They were all born performers. That’s why they were all here at the Wellton Institute of Drama and Performing Arts. 

Everyone in their group had their own set of talents. 

Neil was an incredible actor and every word in the script dripped out of his pores when he put all into whatever character, big or small, he was given.

Knox was the most brilliant pianist they’d ever heard at Hellton and everyone knew that except him. Pitts and Meeks were the unassuming types who wowed everyone once they danced. That was their speciality. 

The first time Keating had summoned Todd to sing, he had wowed them all. His voice had the elasticity and range of a rubber band and flowed between high and low notes so easily like they were steps on a ladder. It had the ability to be powerful and encompassing then Todd could transform it so easily to sound so angelic and vulnerable. Todd had the best voice in the whole school and also had the worst stage fright. 

Charlie on the other hand was a born performer. He had the charisma of Freddie Mercury, the flare of Kenneth Branagh and the unfortunate vocals of Matthew Broderick. Well, that was rather unfair but Charlie was born to be on the stage, a natural born entertainer. He may have not had Todd’s other worldly voice or Neil’s incredible acting but he had an intense, magnetic charm in everything he said and did, impossible to tear your eyes away from and a regular spot light thief.

Even now as he stepped forward to the stage, it was a swagger of self-assurance knowing he already had everyone’s eyes on him whilst Todd remained the shrinking violet too shy to show itself in bloom.

Todd looked at Charlie, stood there with his hands on his hips so boldly while Todd could barely keep his eyes off his feet whenever he was on the stage.

Keating beamed at them, ‘’Now remember gentlemen this may be an audition but like I always say, just have fun with it and do your best. Now seeing as Mr Overstreet has only brought his ABBA sheet music book,’’ a few laughs broke out and Knox was a little red from embarrassment, ‘’I’d like to see you do a strong duet.’’

‘’How about _Why Did it Have to be Me_?’’ Charlie shrugged casually.

Mr Keating looked carefully between the two, ''Alright boys. Take it away Knox.''

Neil watched from the sidelines wondering what the hell Charlie was doing. He knew their history. The little stares Charlie would throw Todd from the beginning that had him concerned. Then they were returned somewhat shyly and for a while things had actually seemed to be going well.

But then Neil was the one comforting a crying Todd who drew further into his shell and watch as Charlie’s bright smiles fade into guarded expressions and insincere smirks.

His thoughts were dashed as Knox began to play the beginning of the song and Charlie sprung into action.

‘’ ** _When you were lonely, you needed a man_** ** _._** ’’ he sang as he flexed his muscles comically, moving around him smoothly. 

Charlie leaned his elbow on Todd's shoulder. ‘’ ** _Someone to lean on, well I understand..._** ’’ he sang confidently.

He spun away with open arms, ’’ ** _It's only natural, but why did it have to be me?_** ’’

Todd stared in confusion as he came closer, much closer than he was comfortable remembering.

‘’ ** _N_** ** _ights can be empty, nights can be cold._** ** _So_** ** _you were looking for someone to hold_**.’’

_That’s not what we were_ , Todd wanted to scream already knowing he was taking all this too personally.

Charlie seemed to be more aware of the space between them. He smiled, ‘ ** _’That's only natural, but why did it have to be me?’’_** , but the joyful expression didn’t meet his eyes that were staring so sadly at him.

Just like in their relationship, Charlie stepped back and that made Todd throw caution to the wind and unravel himself in the song, only too aware of how much he enjoyed himself in this confronting role.

Without a second thought, he jumped into the chorus.

**_‘’I was so lonesome, I was blue.’’_** His attention stayed on you like everyone else had melted away, **_‘’I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I..._** ’’

Charlie shut his eyes as he knew the upcoming words, unable to look at Todd.

**_‘’Always thought you knew the reason why.’’_ **

_I thought I did._

**_‘’I only wanted a little love affair.’’_** Todd threw himself towards him, **_‘’Now I can see you are beginning to care.’’_**

The close space felt torturous as Charlie had to endure this twisted projection of everything Todd was too scared to say but eager to sing. 

**_‘’But baby, believe_** ** _me.‘_** ** _’_**   he pleaded, **_‘’It's better to forget me.’’_**

_I can’t._

Charlie supported himself against the piano, the words almost cutting physically as much as they were emotionally. He waited for his turn, wanting to hurt him just as he had him. When his turn came, he sang with all the viciousness and anger he could.

‘ ** _’Men are toys in the game that you play,’’_** he watched the hurt expression across Todd’s features but he carried on, too focused on his own pain to care.

He gestured uselessly, **_‘’When you get tired, you throw '_** ** _em_** ** _away.’’_**

‘ ** _’That's only natural, but why did it have to be me?’’_** , He practically begged, too tired to carry on the façade.

**_‘’Falling in love with someone like you happens so quickly.’’_** the desperation in his voice rose, unable to separate the lyrics from the own melody his heart had feeling whenever they were together.

**_‘’There's nothing to do. It's only natural, but why did it have to be me?’_** ’ he finished somewhat pathetically, feeling like it was a miracle he had managed to finish.

Todd felt like he was crumbling but he stood proudly, refusing to run away. Refusing to be the one too afraid to end things. Tears were in his eyes but he held his composure shakily.

**_‘’I was so lonesome, I was blue. I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I-’’_ **

He saw that Charlie looked almost as broken as him and he struggled to understand why when he was the one who had always been the bleeding heart.

**_‘’Always thought you knew the reason why...’’_ **

He stopped and missed a few lines, having to tearfully force the rest out.

**_‘’But baby, believe me. It's better to forget-''_ **

_He did forget you._

He broke away. He couldn’t do it anymore and he rushed down the stairs, trying to walk as fast as he could without feeling like he was literally fleeing the scene.

Charlie watched him go feeling like his heart had been crushed in Todd’s palm.

Again.

Even Mr Keating looked like he was struggling to know how to proceed. He came closer to Charlie and gave a pitiful attempt of a smile, ‘’That was a... heartfelt performance Mr Dalton. You may sit down.’’

Charlie smirked automatically, and went to sit next to Neil who looked furious with him. When Neil was looking at you like that, you knew things were bad.

* * *

 

For the rest of the evening, no one talked to Charlie and Todd hadn’t come out of his room. When Neil came back to his room, Charlie was waiting there and god if he didn’t want to punch the son of a bitch right there and then.

‘’So... how is he?’’ he asked, more awkwardly than Neil thought Charlie was capable of.

‘'What you did was fucking cruel.’’ Neil told him coldly, ‘’You just had to put yourself as the victim, didn’t you?’’

Charlie stood up indignant, ‘’I have never painted myself as a victim of anybody!’’

‘’Oh grow the fuck up Charlie!’’ Neil yelled, tired of his bullshit, ‘’You’re the one who ghosted him and then acted like you’re the fucking wounded party and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of you not being able to decide whether you’re gonna be nice to Todd today or ignore him. I’m sick of you pretending like he meant nothing to you and I am definitely sick of you acting like you’re okay!’’

‘'Fuck you! You don’t know how I’m feeling.’’ Charlie argued back defensively.

Neil looked at him shaking his head and then he scoffed.

‘’You think you’re so mysterious Charlie but you’re not that damn hard to figure out. You fell in love with Todd and now you’re acting like a scared little boy pulling pigtails because he’s too afraid to say it back.’’

Charlie faltered visibly.

‘’Go fuck yourself.’’ he said weakly.

Neil looked at him and Charlie could feel his stare like he could see right through him and he didn’t even have the energy to push back against it anymore.

‘'Why did you push him away?’’

Charlie sat down on Neil’s bed and raked his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit Neil had noticed for a while now.

‘’I... I don’t know. It just felt like too much. I’m barely eighteen, I don’t wanna be in love yet. I want to party and drink and fool around. I don’t...’’ he was shaking, ‘'… I don’t want to mess this up.’’

Neil took pity and sat next to him.

‘’Todd doesn’t need someone like me in my life. He needs someone like... like one of you guys. Safe.’’

Neil laughed brightly, ‘’Todd doesn’t want safe, he wants you.’’

Charlie stared at him, eyes looking much softer and more vulnerable than Neil has ever seen of him, ‘’You really think so?’’

‘’Would he have reacted like that if he didn’t still love you?’’

He thought of the way Todd had stared at him. The way he gave his all. The desperation in his own voice that mirrored Charlie’s in trying to really show the heartache and the passion that was still there.

His thoughts were pulled away by Neil’s hand on his shoulder.

‘’Show him that you care.’'

‘’How?’’

Neil shrugged, ‘’We are a theatrical bunch. Maybe a gesture could be the way to go.’’

Charlie soaked in the advice and thought deeply, getting up to the door.

‘’Oh and Neil....’’

He looked up curiously.

‘’Thanks.’’ he said nervously.

Neil smiled back, ‘’Go win your boy back.’'

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I literally listened to the song as I wrote this and imagined how they would both perform this. There was a bit of angst in there but at least Neil knocked some sense into Charlie at the end. I left it on an open note in case I wanted to do a sequel where Charlie does the gesture depending on interest and things like that. I am hopefully going to start a big story for this fandom after I've finished the current one I have in another fandom so keep an eye out for that one.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Bye :)


End file.
